It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
