I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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