Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
