i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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