Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
