Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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