Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
