i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pants are for mortals
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
