So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they're like a gay fantastic four
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A+ Viking dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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