I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
