If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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