I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
