Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
