What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
