the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
