remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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