I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
