I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
