cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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