Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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