I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
