Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
