eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sext me about skeletons
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
