It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
