Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
