He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
