I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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