I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is wine microwaveable?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
