her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
