Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
