If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
