he wants to bone in the snuggie
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
