dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
