she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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