Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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