I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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