dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize