Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
