the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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