I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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