Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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