I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
