I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
