it hurts more in the daytime
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
