My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
