I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
