Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
