I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
