You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
