I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
