Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
