I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
