you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
