You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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