Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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