You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize