If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
