please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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