cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
