dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
