the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
