can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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