Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
