are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
