i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
