girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize