Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize