I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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