it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
