i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
