What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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